Postpartum

I took these photos within the first year of my son’s birth while I was experiencing severe postpartum depression. During this time I was desperately trying to find light within my dim basement apartment.

The powerful emotions that come with bringing a child into this world swallowed me up into a jumble of joy, fear, and exhaustion. I felt trapped in my home and in this new role. I felt like I wanted to run away from where I was, but was smothered in heaviness. I was not prepared for the the bleeding, crying, anxious mess that came with childbirth. I was miserably sleep deprived, isolated, and ashamed.

Photography was a respite. I found myself creating a lot of photographs. Many were of my new baby and his shining, screaming face. But many were a peek behind the aloneness I was feeling, calling out through creative expression. These images highlight the complexity of emotions that came with becoming a mother.

(For anyone struggling with mental health, know the pain doesn’t last. It gets better. Stay in there and I send you hope and peace).

Canon 5D Mark III / 2013 Provo, Utah